


For Kitty

by Emsiecat



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Faunts and Satyr's AU, Flower meanings, Fluff, Humour, Kid Fic, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sassy Bilbo Baggins, Thorin is a Softie, or my attempt at it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7221136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emsiecat/pseuds/Emsiecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Kitty's birthday!!!</p><p>I wanted to write her something AND incorporate an amusing plot idea I found on tumblr, so I did both in one fic, naturally!</p><p>The prompt was: Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”</p><p>I incorporated the idea a little into Kitty's lovely 'Faunts and Satyrs' AU and I used the flowers the tumblr post had recommended here: http://dontbeanassbutt.tumblr.com/post/146000773506/flower-shop-au</p><p>I'm afraid I wrote most of it whilst half asleep, Kitty! But I wanted to give you a little something for your birthday. I really hope it's okay <3 It's a sort of undetermined point of time during your fic, I hope I haven't messed with the AU too much X3</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Kitty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HiddenKitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenKitty/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Faunts and Satyrs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5954422) by [HiddenKitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenKitty/pseuds/HiddenKitty). 



"I cannot believe you are fraternizing with _animals_ more than your own kin, Bilbo Baggins!"

Pert nose scrunched and round face screwed up in a display of childish rage and disdain, Lobelia Bracegirdle stomped one foot as her hands balled into fists in the pleats of her skirts. 

She never had been one to keep her feelings to herself.

To be fair, Bilbo _may_ have been willing to forgive her shrill tirade and even feel a little guilty, (he _had_ promised to play with her and Otho and then promptly forgotten once Thorin had turned up to visit after all). However, those final words promptly put paid to any remorse the young Baggins might have harboured, and instead he began feel indescribably angry. 

An _animal_ ? How _dare_ Lobelia call dear Thorin an animal! 

True enough, the satyr had teeny tiny nubs of horns amongst his long curly locks, and a pair of soft floppy ears, and legs which were remarkably goat like, _and_ a flicky little tail… but he was not some farmyard creature or pet!

The way Lobelia had spat the word made it sound like the basest of insults and Bilbo could feel the fizz of anger start to warm his cheeks and thrum beneath his skin. 

How _dare_ she! 

At his side, Thorin had remained quite silent during the unpleasant girl's outburst, only the deep furrow in his brow and the way he pawed at the dirt with one hoof let Bilbo know how affected by Lobelia's words he truly was.

It was strange, Bilbo mused momentarily, how Thorin seemed so happy and at ease around him, but would shy away from other hobbits; going so far as to tuck himself a little behind Bilbo whenever others were near, despite how Thorin was the taller one. 

Bilbo's own face fell into a terrific scowl and he had taken naught but a single step towards Lobelia in order to give him a very sound piece of his mind when Thorin's hand shot out and gently grasped his wrist, stopping him immediately. 

"'s fine, Bilbo. If you argue then she'll only try to get you in trouble." 

Thorin's voice was too quiet to really hear properly, and his eyes were frank and solemn beneath heavy brows, but Bilbo could see the deep flush on his cheeks when he turned to look at his friend; he was angry too, and probably a bit hurt. 

He spoke good sense though. 

Bilbo wriggled free of Thorin's grip just long enough so that he could clasp the satyr's hand in his own instead of having Thorin hold his wrist, and gave a gentle squeeze before turning the force of his stare back onto Lobelia. 

The young hobbit girl was still stood there, quietly fuming over being ignored and Bilbo made a show of sniffing and turning his nose up at her before offering any kind of reply. 

"You were very rude to Thorin, I don't think I want to play with you and Otho at all now, so _go away_." 

The words were spoken with all the lofty authority a faunt could learn from listening to grown-ups talk, and it seemed to work on Lobelia for she gave a soft cry of outrage, stomped her foot again and flounced off with the only effective reply a faunt her age could give: 

"I'm _telling_!" 

Bilbo _may_ have stuck his tongue out at her as she retreated, but if he had, then only he and Thorin would know about it.

"Good riddance, I say! Come along, Thorin, I wanted to show you that orchard Mama took me to the other day, the apples there are _lovely_."

 

* * *

 

Thorin watched with interest as Bilbo nimbly scrambled amongst the boughs of the small orchard trees some time later.

It was impressive really, for all Thorin was sure-footed and excellent at traversing most terrain, he had never quite mastered climbing trees as Bilbo had. The hobbit was a natural at it and their spoils proved it. 

Half-eaten cores littered the ground around him, and Thorin took another large bite of apple (he preferred to eat them cores and all) as he flicked an ear at the rustling just above his head.

He was very happy, spending time with Bilbo, but could not seem to quite forget the callous words Bilbo's kin had spoken before they had left. 

It had not been the first time one of the younger hobbits had said something insensitive in his presence, and certainly not the first from Lobelia. Thorin recalled a number of occasions where the girl's scathing comments had reached his ears and not Bilbo's. Observations like 'too hairy', 'smells funny', and 'weird' amongst them. 

Thorin had tried not to let the words bother him. He was not there to make friends with rude little hobbits after all, he was there to see Bilbo who he liked a lot and was very nice, but still… sometimes it stung a little. 

Thorin scratched a fuzzy cheek contemplatively as Bilbo finally reappeared amongst the lower branches and hopped down to join him on the grass. He did wonder sometimes if Bilbo thought him 'weird' too…

"You're all quiet again, what's wrong?" Bilbo asked without preamble. 

"Nothing," Thorin replied quickly, a little too quickly. 

"Thorin." Bilbo scooted closer, tilting his head in concern. "Please tell me." 

"I just… I just wondered if maybe you thought I was strange." 

"Strange? Whyever would I think that?" 

"You know… weird… because I'm not a hobbit." 

"I don't," Bilbo replied emphatically, and discarded the last of his well-gnawed apple cores; wiping the back of his hand over his mouth rather than bother reaching for his handkerchief, (Thorin was more important than table manners after all). "Why would you think that?" 

And now Thorin was a little cornered. He fidgeted uneasily. If he tried to lie, Bilbo would probably see through it, or else feel offended that Thorin had assumed things about him. If he told the truth though… Thorin had a horrible feeling Bilbo might just go push that Lobelia girl in the nearest mud puddle, and though he would feel flattered that his friend was willing to defend him, he wouldn't want Bilbo to get into trouble. 

He supposed he could always hold Bilbo back… 

The truth it was then. 

"Because Lobelia and a couple of the others seem to think so… they've said as much before." 

"When?" Bilbo was scandalised. 

"Once or twice, you did not hear them but I did." Thorin flicked one of his large, furred ears in emphasis. "I don't think they realised I did though." 

If Bilbo's ire had been impressive before, it was near startling in its intensity now. The small hobbit's face turned beet red and he _glowered_ in the direction of Hobbiton, pushing himself to his feet as if he would march back into town right this very instant and fight every hobbit who had dared speak against his friend.

As he had done before, Thorin caught Bilbo's wrist gently and shook his head. "Please do not worry, Bilbo. So long as you think well of me, I really do not care about any of the others."

The little satyr's words were achingly sincere and Bilbo felt a warm flutter in his chest as his anger softened. Bilbo smiled and returned to his seat on the grass beneath the shade of the tree with Thorin. 

The day was warm and the company was good, why should they worry about anything else?

 

* * *

 

Still… Thorin could not help but dwell just a little.

A good deal of time had passed since they had settled ender the tree, Thorin was now lazing on his back half dozing as Bilbo practiced braiding his long hair. 

It was nice, but he did hope he didn't 'smell funny' to Bilbo, and so at length asked as much. 

"Are you still fretting over things Lobelia has said about you?" Bilbo's peaceful countenance stiffened slightly, but he did not pause in his gentle finger combing of his friend's hair.

"Not worrying about her really… I was just wondering if maybe satyrs do smell or look odd to hobbits," Thorin mumbled feeling a bit silly. 

"You really don't, you know. You are you, and you are very nice. I do not think you look odd one bit, and you have quite a nice smell… must be the soap or oils you use or something," Bilbo replied quietly as he worked diligently on a tiny knot he had found in Thorin's curls. 

Thorin felt himself smiling, a large, bright grin that probably looked quite foolish as they lapsed into comfortable silence once more. 

It was only after a short while of Bilbo humming a tune that the hobbit paused and Thorin opened sleepy eyes to look up at him from the grassy floor. 

Bilbo looked downright mischievous all of a sudden. 

"Well, if your smell and looks really do upset Lobelia as much as she seems to claim, we should get her a gift to say sorry for offending her delicate sensibilities." Thorin did not think he had ever heard as much sarcasm from one so young as he did now.

"What are you thinking of, Bilbo?"

"Hm, flowers I think…" 

"Like the ones you gave me when we first met?" Thorin could not help but feel rather panicked by that.

"No, no! These will be some rather special flowers with a special meaning." Bilbo's grin, if possible, grew all the wider. 

"What will they mean?" Thorin was curious now. He had heard in passing that hobbits used flowers to say things to other people, but he did not know how this was accomplished.

How could a flower _say_ anything?

"Come with me and I'll show you!"

 

* * *

 

The fields and forests surrounding Hobbiton were always a riot of colour this time of year. To Thorin they almost reminded him of jewels and gemstones so vibrant and plentiful were they. 

Bilbo explained as he darted to and fro with Thorin trailing behind that the Shire boasted more flowers than almost any other place in Middle Earth (or so he had read). They had their own native flora of course, but others had been introduced over the years, sometimes from very far away lands. 

Bilbo's eyes fairly sparkled with excitement when he spoke of distant regions detailed in his books, and he confessed to Thorin he would love to someday see such places. 

Grabbing another flower with little delicacy, Bilbo shoved it into the haphazard bunch he had collected and explained this addition to Thorin as well.

"This one is a yellow carnation, to us they mean 'you have disappointed me', and she really has," Bilbo proclaimed stoutly. "She's been ever so mean about you." 

Thorin was still wondering over how flowers could say so much, and really felt a little sorry for them. The flowers Bilbo had selected for their less than friendly 'letter' to Lobelia all looked very pretty. He wondered if the poor things knew they meant what they meant, or did they just go about their little flower lives drinking in the rain and sunshine and not really think or feel much of anything at all.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Bilbo?" Thorin asked at length whilst pulling idly on one of the soft petals of a flower he had been told was called a geranium (it meant foolishness or stupidity apparently). 

"It will be a good joke I think. Most hobbits know what flowers mean, but so many faunts don't bother to learn until they are older, Lobelia amongst them!" Bilbo crowed with just a touch of vindictive child-like glee. 

Well if the flowers would not directly upset her and only he and Bilbo would know the truth then… 

Thorin smiled, Bilbo's enthusiasm catching, and crouched beside his friend to help him pick the remaining flowers they needed.

 

* * *

 

In the end, Bilbo handed a very bright and cheery bouquet to a smug looking Lobelia some time later. 

He had apologised for forgetting the game he had arranged with her and Otho, and handed over the flowers with a smile that was perhaps a little too joyous. 

The geraniums and yellow carnations now mingled happily with foxgloves (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), and a daring couple of orange lilies (dislike or hatred). It was bold, garish, and it was very apparent that Lobelia loved it, blissfully unaware of the message she was flaunting. 

"Well." She stated, smug grin growing. "That is a lot more proper of you, Bilbo." 

"Oh, Thorin helped!" Bilbo chirped very cheerfully. "He wanted to say sorry too." 

The young girl looked down her nose at the satyr, but finally gave him an approving sort of nod. "Hmph, he's still not a hobbit, but at least you're teaching him better manners." 

"Oh, I'll be sure to teach him all the best things, don't worry." 

Thorin's cough sounded suspiciously like a smothered bark of laughter and Lobelia glanced at him quizzically for a moment before deeming his behaviour beneath her notice. 

"I suppose you're both forgiven then. I'm going home to show these to Mama."

Bilbo paled, Thorin tensed.

The fault in their plan suddenly became obvious. Lobelia would not know what flowers she held… but any elder she met would.

They had been so caught up in their idea of revenge that, as children are wont to do; they quite forgot to think further than gifting the bouquet to her.

"Um…w-wait-"

"Don't mumble, Bilbo," Lobelia chastised, still admiring her flowers as she turned on her heel and began to walk away. Neither Bilbo nor Thorin was in the right frame of mind to stop her.

It was only after Lobelia had turned the corner of the lane that Thorin dared speak. "I don't suppose Lobelia's mother is unaware of flower meanings too is she?"

"No… she knows them," Bilbo's reply was a squeak.

"Maybe we should go back to the orchard for a while."

Bilbo turned to his friend with wild panic in his eyes. "Never mind the orchard! Please take me to your caves with you!"

Thorin did not think it would be wise to laugh in the face of poor Bilbo's horror, but it was very difficult not to when his face resembled a fish out of water, mouth gaping and bug eyed in shock.

Grabbing Bilbo's hand and tugging him along Thorin decided the best course of action for now was to run as far as they could. They could deal with the consequences later.


End file.
